I've been told that I should stop talking about my ex. That I shouldn't even say his name anymore because every time I do, people assume I'm obsessed, bitter, unable to move on, or somehow still in love with him.
The truth is, I don't talk about him because of love for him.
I talk about Sean Baldacchin because I am still trying to understand what happened to me.
There is a huge difference.
When you spend years with someone who is capable of looking you in the eye and lying without hesitation, who can create entire identities and stories that don't exist, who can convince you that you're crazy for questioning things that later turn out to be true, it changes you.
People who have never experienced narcissistic abuse often think it's just a bad relationship or a messy breakup. It isn't.
It's psychological warfare.
It's having your reality rewritten so many times that you stop trusting your own instincts.
It's being told that what you saw didn't happen.
It's being told that what you heard wasn't said.
It's being made to feel irrational for questioning things that any reasonable person would question.
It's spending years walking on eggshells because you never know what version of that person you're going to get.
It's defending someone to your friends and family while privately wondering why you feel so exhausted, confused, and alone.
It's losing pieces of yourself so slowly that you don't even realize they're gone until years later.
For years I believed I was married to a damaged veteran carrying invisible wounds. I defended him. I made excuses for him. I protected him. I stood beside him through things that would have made most people walk away.
I believed the stories.
I believed the tears.
I believed the promises.
I believed the apologies.
I believed that if I just loved him enough, supported him enough, understood him enough, eventually things would get better.
Instead, the lies got bigger.
The manipulation got worse.
The affairs continued.
The excuses multiplied.
And every time something didn't add up, somehow I ended up being the one apologizing.
Looking back now, I can see how much of my life revolved around managing chaos that I didn't create.
I was constantly trying to prove my loyalty to someone who had none.
Constantly trying to earn honesty from someone committed to deception.
Constantly trying to save a relationship that I was the only one fighting for.
Then the truth started coming out.
The military stories unraveled.
The affairs surfaced.
People started comparing notes.
Questions started being asked.
And instead of accountability, there was retaliation.
Instead of remorse, there were new lies.
Instead of honesty, there were attempts to discredit the people speaking up.
That's the part people don't understand.
I didn't lose the love of my life.
I discovered that the life I thought I had wasn't real.
And that realization broke something in me.
Not permanently.
But deeply.
I still have nightmares.
I still struggle with trust.
I still question my judgment sometimes.
I still find myself wondering how someone can tell you they love you while systematically destroying your confidence, your peace, your security, and your sense of reality.
The worst part wasn't even what he did to me.
The worst part was watching what it did to my son.
For eleven years, Sean was Daddy.
He made promises.
He spoke about forever.
He reassured a little boy that no matter what happened between the adults, he would always be there.
Then he walked away.
No explanation.
No accountability.
No concern for the damage left behind.
And while I've spent years rebuilding my own life, there is a part of me that will never stop being angry about what that little boy lost.
So no, I'm not obsessed with my ex!
I'm dealing with the aftermath of him.
There's a difference.
Healing doesn't require silence.
Healing requires truth.
And the truth is that what happened to me happened.
What happened to my son happened.
The damage was real.
The trauma was real.
The nightmares are real.
The scars are real.
And I refuse to carry shame for speaking honestly about any of it.
🥰🫖JustRealTea
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